by Melody Beattie
“Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself” is a great book for those who have become overly entangled and taken over by the life of someone who is addicted to drugs or alcohol. It is an easy read and quite informative. Melody Beattie is the author of this classy book. This book is well written, easy reading and addresses real problems & real situations in families dealing with addiction, either your own or a family member. Melody Beattie takes her readers to the heart of what it means to be in a codependent relationship, and all of us to some degree have experienced codependency. With candid insights, many based on her personal experience, she leads us to an understanding of how our efforts to direct and control others only lead to frustration and disappointment. Although codependency is most often associated with drugs or alcohol, this book will guide the reader in finding help with aging parents, demanding, emotionally weak, irresponsible, or mentally ill people. You learn that you can care FOR someone without taking care of them. You can learn to save yourself from the “crazy-making” that comes from taking on responsibilities that are not yours to take; to let others lead their own lives come what may.
This international best-seller is written by Melody Beattie – a woman who has lived through being kidnapped, being abandoned, being sexually abused, being a drug and alcohol addict, the death of her son and co-dependency issues. This book deals specifically with those who are dealing with partners, children, parents, friends or other loved ones that have an addiction or other compulsive, destructive tendencies. Often the attention is given to those that have the “problem”, while those closest to them are often in just as much need. Many of us often feel that we are being supportive and helpful, when in fact we may be disempowering and “rescuing” those we love. This behaviour doesn’t help either party. This book emphasizes that people need to be responsible for their own decisions, choices, and consequences. You can lovingly listen to them and share ideas, but the ultimate responsibility for change is up to them. Many co-dependents have difficulty setting boundaries and then find themselves used and abused over and over again. This pattern can stop and may ultimately not only heal the co-dependent from their need to “help”, but also allow the space for the affected person to take the steps necessary for recovery. A very gentle and encouraging book to help those who are feeling helpless and are spending their energy on trying to help others often while ignoring their own needs and wants. Lots of great suggestions on how to “let go” without giving up on those you care about. If you want a healthier life, full of ways to take care of yourself, this is the book for you. Get out of the circle of crazy and start taking care of yourself. Love yourself. This book is life-changing if you want the change.